Master the Art of Parenting: How to Give Each Child Individual Attention and Support Their Emotional Needs with Multiple Children

Parenting multiple children can be both rewarding and challenging. As your family grows, ensuring each child feels valued, understood, and emotionally supported becomes even more important—and more difficult. Here are some effective strategies to give individual attention and nurture your children's emotional well-being, no matter how many little ones you have.

 1. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity-With multiple children, time is limited. Focus on creating meaningful moments with each child rather than trying to give equal time to everyone all the time. Even short, dedicated interactions—like reading a book together or sharing a special handshake—can make a big difference in making each child feel loved and seen. One of my friends, who was awesome at this, would take one kid on an errand with them. Whether it was mailing a package or running to the grocery store, it was one-on-one time with the child, and their kids loved it.

 2. Schedule One-on-One Time-Set aside specific times for individual attention. This could be a weekly outing, a special activity, or a quiet chat after dinner. Consistent one-on-one time helps children feel secure and valued, and it allows you to connect deeply with each child's unique emotional needs. I like to go lay with them before bed and we discuss our day, what we want to be when we grow up, even me, because it is good to teach the kids that even though you are an adult, we can still have dreams. We talk about random things too so we laugh and just enjoy a little time with just us.

 3. Listen Actively and Validate Feelings-Children need to know that their feelings are valid. When they express emotions—whether happiness, frustration, or sadness—listen without judgment. Use active listening techniques like eye contact, nodding, and paraphrasing to show you genuinely care and understand. Sometimes this is REALLY hard to do when they are in meltdown mode. I am learning with my almost-teenager to allow the moment to pass and then talk with them. When they are younger, they are usually not actually losing their minds over their shoes but rather it's tied to being tired, hungry, needing a hug, etc… Taking a breath, kneeling down to their level, speaking softer goes a lot further than yelling. It doesn’t necessarily mean you need to take 20 minutes to do this, but showing them that their feelings matter is an important lesson in life.  

 4. Recognize and Respect Their Unique Personalities-Each child has their own temperament and way of processing emotions. Tailor your responses to their individual needs—some children may need extra cuddles, while others might prefer space to process their feelings. Respecting their differences helps them develop healthy emotional regulation. You also need to remember they are not carbon copies of you. They are their own person, and while they may have your eyes and your husband’s temperament, it does not mean they will react as you would. Adjust your expectations.

 5. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment-Encourage open communication by fostering a home where children feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings. Avoid dismissing their emotions, even if they seem minor. Teach them that all feelings are okay and that you're there to support them. We make dinner time our safe place. There are no lectures that go on here. We talk about our days, what we enjoyed, and what we could do better. We talked about what we saw on TV the other day that was funny. Because of this, even our oldest son enjoyed eating dinner with us every night and misses it now that he has moved away from home. We end the day on a good note, not a negative one. That is not to say there haven’t been upsets, but as a whole, we try to keep dinner time conversation light and fun.

 6. Use Empathy and Modeling-Show empathy by sharing your own feelings and demonstrating healthy ways to handle emotions. Children learn a lot by observing their parents, so model patience, understanding, and emotional honesty. This is extremely important!!! If your kids never see you struggle, have to look something up, or learn how to do something or ask for help, what you are really teaching them is to be perfect and have to know everything. This isn’t realistic. You are their biggest example. They watch you and listen to how you talk to your significant other, your parents, your friends, their siblings, etc… Know that eye roll you hate, take a step back and realize its probably from you. Yes, it could be their older sibling, but where did they learn it? Circling back to you. You will forever be in their head, be kind in how you deal with them. Be kind in how you deal with yourself.

 7. Encourage Sibling Bonding and Respect-Help your children develop their own supportive relationships. Teach them to listen and empathize with each other, which can lessen feelings of jealousy or neglect and promote a family culture of caring. This is HUGE in our house. While there have been a few spats here and there, as a whole, they are required to treat each other well. My kids range from 30 to 10. It is not ok to yell, to hit, to say mean things to each other. You would not allow them to do any of that to a friend; why would you allow them to treat their siblings that way? My goal with my kids is teaching them that their siblings are their best friends, their ride or die, the ones who will be there for them forever. If you do not teach that when they are young, allow them to punch each other, yell, and scream, they are not going to grow up and be close. I have so many friends who tolerate their siblings; there is always turmoil, and the parents are in the middle. The other caveat to this is how you interact with your significant other. Are you two yelling at each other all of the time, being condescending, ignoring them and their needs? Are you showing love? It is good to remember that children imitate how we behave.

 8. Be Flexible and Patient-Balancing the emotional needs of multiple children requires patience and adaptability. Recognize that some days will be more challenging than others, and that's okay. Keep trying to connect and show each child they are loved. You are going to fail not once or twice but many times, but do not let it become a pattern because its easier. You want your kids to show up and be productive, then you show up also. Don’t take the lazy route. You get what you give. You want to be close to your children and raise them to feel loved and have self-worth when they are older, so they make better decisions in their lives. Then start today!

Giving individual attention and handling your children's emotional needs when you have three or more children is about intentionality, patience, and love. By creating special moments, actively listening, respecting their uniqueness, and fostering open communication, you can nurture their emotional health and strengthen your family bonds.

Here are some ideas you can use this weekend to ensure they feel special, valued, and connected.

Personalized Weekend Plan: Quality Time with Each of Your Four Kids

Spending one-on-one time with each child helps strengthen your bond, understand their unique needs, and create lasting memories. Here's a flexible plan you can adapt based on your family’s schedule and interests.

 1. Designate a Weekly "Special Day" for Each Child. This can be once a month, quarterly, etc…or it can be an hour, not a whole day.

- Create a schedule: Assign a specific weekend day or half-day for each child, rotating weekly or bi-weekly.

- Consistency: Consistent days help children look forward to their special time.

-STAY OFF OF YOUR PHONE!!! This isn’t one-on-one with you, your child, and Instagram.

 2. Choose Activities Based on Their Interests-Tailor each outing or activity to what your child loves. Here are some ideas:

- For the adventurer: Nature walk, bike ride, or trip to the park.

- For the creative: Art museum visit, crafting at home, or baking together.

- For the reader: Visit to a bookstore or library, reading a favorite book together.

- For the athlete: Mini sports game, swimming, or playing catch.

-For the gamer: Have them teach you what they are playing.

-For the emo: Coffee date

 3. Tips for Making the Most of Your Time

- Limit distractions: Turn off phones and focus fully on your child.

- Engage in meaningful conversation: Ask open-ended questions about their feelings, dreams, or interests. If you ask questions they can answer with one word, then guess what you will be getting. See my posts on questions to ask your son or daughter. One question that is always fun is would you rather questions. Would you rather live on the beach and only eat fish for the rest of your life or would you rather live in the snow and only eat what you can find for the rest of your life? Would you rather swim in a pool full of worms or would you rather sky dive from 13,000 feet. Make them silly, fun and bonus points if they are gross. Even your teenager will laugh at some of them. This makes the air lighter. You don’t want to toss a bunch of serious questions to them all at once, because they will feel like they are being interrogated and shut down.

- Practice active listening: Show genuine interest and validate their emotions.

- Capture memories: Take photos or keep a journal of your special outings.

 4. Create Rituals or Traditions

- End each session with a special handshake or hug.

- Share a favorite snack or treat during your outing.

- Establish a "goodbye" ritual that leaves them feeling loved and appreciated.

 5. At-Home Alternatives if weekends are busy, consider:

- Evening one-on-one chats: Reading a bedtime story together.

- Mini "date" afternoons: A movie or game night just for them.

- Weekend morning ritual: Making breakfast or coffee together.

 6. Be Flexible and Patient

- Sometimes plans change. Be adaptable and keep the focus on quality, not perfection.

- Remember, even short moments—15-30 minutes—can make a big impact. This is where going to the grocery store, and they can pick out something they want for dinner, or their favorite fruit, or get a cookie at the bakery.

What you need to remember is that it doesn’t need to be a lot of time or money, but it needs to be something. If you consistently do this, you will start to notice them coming to you more. Being more open. You will get closer. Dedicating intentional, personalized time with each of your children fosters strong bonds, helps them feel special, and supports their emotional well-being. Making these moments a regular part of your family routine will create cherished memories and a feeling of love and security for each child.